A woman’s body is one of the most amazing things on the planet. Its complexity is extraordinary—there is nearly no limit to the pleasure threshold she can experience. And you can take her there…all the way there, in fact.
The problem? We’ve kind of been conditioned since, um, birth to believe that we’re not deserving of pleasure, orgasm, or sexual agency of any kind. As a result, exploring our bodies and communicating our desires can be a challenging proposition.
If you’re looking to open up the sexual boundaries and delve into what she truly craves, try these seven things to blow her mind during sex.
1. Ask her what she likes
If you're a woman, being asked what you want is not a common question. It can often be unnerving. Tell your partner you want to make her feel good and that if she’s unsure what she likes, you’re willing to experiment. If she knows what she likes, do what she says.
A woman’s sexual pleasure is regularly put second to her partner’s, so having the focus shifted entirely to her desires is an enormous turn-on. Who doesn’t love being pleased? She craves being the center of attention, she’s just not always sure how to ask for it.
2. Listen to her body
Pay attention to physical cues. Don’t just do one thing you’re into and forget to pay attention to your partner’s response.
Here’s an example: If you’re going down on her and she’s pushing her hips into your face, moaning, yeah, you can be pretty sure what you’re doing is working. If she pulls away or says, “Ouch!” try something else, ask her what she wants, or be more gentle.
A woman’s body is a beautiful landscape with nearly endless possibilities for pleasure. She wants you to pay attention and learn what arouses her. Be a good student.
3. Oral sex until she’s finished (like, actually)
Now, she might love oral sex, but many of us feel guilty for “taking too long” to orgasm. It can cause us to pull away, try to move into intercourse, or even ask you to stop. Before going down on her, tell her you’re staying down there as long as you feel you need to be down there. Tell her how hot and sexy she is. Reinforce her confidence.
Then, stay the hell down there until she has an orgasm! She may try to squirm away. She may get overwhelmed. These are normal things. As long as she’s consented beforehand to you being down there until you’re good and ready to stop, don’t stop. If she’ll let you, hold her wrists at her side. So hot.
She’ll thank you later. We all want to come and we all want to be shame-free about it.
4. Open and honest communication about your (and her) desires
Universal truth regardless of your gender: She wants you to be open and direct about what you want, like, and need in bed. We’re sure this is a sexual craving for you as well. If you want something, ask for it.
If you need her to do a certain thing to have an orgasm, we’re sure she’d be happy to oblige. If not, you can always figure out an alternative solution through open communication. There are exactly zero people in happy committed relationships who think it’s cute to do a thing in bed their partner doesn’t want.
You can’t get anywhere without speaking openly. Your partner is not psychic. He or she can’t magically know what gets you wet or hard. If something is working, say so. If something isn’t working, suggest something else. Ask and thou shall receive.
5. Bring her vibrator into bed
Change the game: Be the person who wants to bring the vibrator into bed. Two in three women need the clitoris in on sexy time to experience orgasm. Sex toys are designed to give her that stimulation. She might not even realize sex and her vibrator can be a conjoined journey to bliss.
But she will. Ask her to bring out the vibrator. Use it on her while you’re going down on her, use it while you’re having sex. Just use it.
6. Let her watch you
Watching your partner masturbate is like having your own personal porn film made especially for you. Only it’s in person and with someone you love. Score.
Have a conversation about this beforehand. You can even introduce the concept while you’re sexting. Not everyone wants in on this voyeuristic fantasy, but it is extremely popular (and common). If you want to watch each other at the same time, go for it. Mutual masturbation is very sexy and often serves as a relaxing alternative to full-on intercourse.
7. Try different kinds of stimulation
There are three main types of stimulation for women (if you don’t include butt stuff): G-spot (internal), clitoral (external) and a combination of both. If you’ve listened to her body, you know what turns her on the most. Every woman is different and certain kinds of stimulation work better than others.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t change it up. Pleasure doesn’t always need to be about orgasm. It can be about experiencing pleasure for the sake of pleasure itself. Maybe you try slipping a finger into her vagina while going down on her clitoris. Perhaps you buy a G-spot wand and focus entirely on internal stimulation for a little while.
You want variety. She wants variety. We all want variety. Life is too short to do the same old thing for the rest of our lives, don’t you think?